Always

I told a friend this morning that I felt like writing, but I did not know what I wanted to write about.  This same friend asked me earlier this week, on Monday what I wanted for myself in life.  I responded (in blue):

If you don't know the story, please, please please watch this.  It is only 4 minutes long.  If you do know the story, you will probably want to watch this, but make sure you are alone.  I just watched it, and I am overwhelmed with tears.







Have you ever felt like you have disappointed someone you really wanted to impress?  Someone you hoped would want to love you and cherish you and want you as their own forever?


I thought, at one time, that I was __________ enough to be wanted and cherished like Marianne.

It is truly harrowing to have someone you adore and love beyond description change his mind about you, and tell you that you... YOU... have changed his mind.  Who you are, has changed his mind, and that he no longer, and assuredly, will never consider you as a marriage partner.

This is something I have been trying to process for some time, and it might very well be one of the hardest things I have gone through... and I have gone through so much.  This is not me being a victim, this is me.  My core.  My heart.  My soul.


I long to be Marrianne, and I weep to read today that Colonel Brandon has died.


In many ways, I often feel like Professor Snape.