Caught with my Pants on

The first day I tried it, I was so self-conscious.  I remember walking into the chapel and feeling so worried.  Would people whisper?  Would I be called into the hallway to get a talking to?  It had been three months of wearing the same burgundy velvet dress from the Sunday after Thanksgiving, until 2 weeks after Valentine's Day, that I just decided to wear my dress pants.  I cant afford to go out and get new clothes.  It is agony when I need a new pair of pants, but I teach for a living, and when I get new clothes, they absolutely have to be work-appropriate.  Besides, my shoes are wool Dansko shoes (from a consignment sale that my daughter found on a rack and ran to me with- I will never forget her joy bringing them to me... they are a size too big, but they are the only shoes  I have had for 5 years now). 

They look absolutely ridiculous with dresses and skirts.  They are marginal with my burgundy dress because the dress is to my ankles (although the dress and the shoes are two different shades of burgundy), but I absolutely can not wear them with anything else.  I just can't.  I won't.

So after three months of wearing the same tired dress... and having a couple decent pairs of dress pants... and knowing I needed to go into the BSL-2 lab I work in after church... I did it.  I went to church with pants on.  Before that though,  I asked Matt if it was ok, and he said it was.  I wrote a blog post about my quandary, and all the comments said I should not worry about it, so... I took two extra weeks- burgundy IS a Valentine's color, after all- and then in February of 2010, I wore pants to church.

It was wild.  My son was not lifting up my skirt with all his toddler antics while we were sitting in church, so my mormon garments were not exposed... My legs were warm.  I did not have to feel embarrassed that I did not have panty hose- just socks- to wear with my shoes... I felt much more comfortable. 

However, on the way to sit down, Sister (let's call her) K.B. narrowed her eyes, looked me up and down, and rolled her eyes.  That was fun. I felt like I did when I was treated unkindly by the bullies at school.  It was ok though.  I did fine. I faked it and made it through with feigned confidence.

As it always was until Asher turned about 3 and a half, Matt took him into the foyer because of his loud antics, right before sacrament (communion) was passed around.  I moved over to the edge of the bench, like always, and the boy passing sacrament to the area I was sitting walked right past me! I was humiliated.  I did not raise my hand to receive it though, that would have been even more embarrassing.  Instead, I texted Matt who texted me back that he was sorry.

In the hallway after sacrament, I was asked if I was showing how feminist I was with my clothing choice ( I was too shocked to answer), then after Relief Society, I was asked if I wanted someone's old clothes (no thank you) to be dressed "appropriately" in sacrament.

I was so disgusted that I did not return to church for a couple weeks, but ever since that day, I have worn pants when I attend church on Sunday.  I have not been passed sacrament a second time (by the same young boy).

I think everyone is used to me and my pants by now, and I often consider telling everyone I am not trying to make some statement with my clothing choice- well, except that I am a grown-up and I can chose my own clothing- but I havent done that.

Last weekend, I wore my burgundy dress and I was positively gushed over by women who never speak to me.  I know exactly why- it was to peer-pressure me to conform, but I am not doing that.  I would rather not conform than be humiliated by my one dress and non-dress-appropriate shoes.

The interesting nuance that prompted this entry, has been the call for women to wear pants Sunday.  Why? To stand in solidarity against the limiting gender roles in church.  By whom?  a sister and her supporters who has seen the heirarchy destroy someone she loves.

Because of the event (which has been closed by Facebook), I have witnessed such vitriol of people (mostly women) calling into question, people's faith, devotion, and testimony.  It has been absolutely stunning.  The page was removed by Facebook, likely because of the death threats against an organizer.

One woman was called into her Bishop's office today, and interrogated.  She realized while in the interview, that her Temple recommend was being called into question.  She was also being recorded, unbeknownst to her until the end of the conversation. For dress pants.  It seems her position on dress pants led him to think that she does not sustain "the bretheren."  For real.

These past few days, there has been many statements about women wearing pants using terminology like "manly" "ugly" "obnoxious" "unfeminine" "inappropriate, " "imagining inequality where there is none, " etc.  I read those things with sadness, considering my "uniform" on Sundays.  It makes me terribly sad when such focus and judgement is made about what a person wears to church.  The craziness, however, is the doctrinal stance those against women wearing pants are taking.  They literally feel that women should wear a "feminine dress" to show respect to God and that doing otherwise is showing downright disrespect.  I read over and over how "you can do better" by wearing a skirt or a dress.  That is a matter of opinion!  Someone's mamma taught them that women wear dresses, men wear white shirts, and any deviation means a person's testimony is questionable, at best.   That is totally unbelievable. It makes no sense to me,  especially when most of the dresses I see on any given Sunday are wrinkle-free fabric skirts worn with a knit shirt (t-shirt), no nylons, and flip-flops.  How on earth is that more respectful that a dress pants outfit?  I just don't get it.  I also have a real issue with the idea that it is permissible to bully a woman because of her choice to wear pants.  It should not matter to anyone.  Her opinion should be respected.  If wearing pants into a sacrament meeting really causes great disruption, something very serious is wrong, and it is not the pants-wearer's clothing choice.

I hope that people stand up for this event (although for many it will be out of their comfort zone) because a serious flaw does exist in the mind of so many people in the church about dress code.