An Evolution

It is *so* strange to be blogging.  I feel almost nervous about it.  I have started so many posts in the last 3 months, but then never really felt like I could adequately articulate my thoughts and experiences.  I am not sure I could do that now, even, but I do want to talk about 2014 in terms of the goal (resolution) I set for myself last January.  I was going to focus my on own wellness. 

My goal was to do my best to fix myself.  I felt so selfish doing such a thing, but in the end, it was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. I am still learning, and I still have a couple things I need to work on- which will be the focus of my 2015, but o.m.gsh... 2014 was a year of transformation for me.

First, I started therapy- that was very good.  I learned a lot about things I needed to work on.  I dutifully did everything that my therapist asked me to do, although some of it was hard, and I learned a lot about "White Knight Syndrome."  I also learned that I valued other peoples' opinions (good and bad) about myself more than I valued my own.  I have learned to really value my own compass. I also learned about Eckhart Toll, and parts of his book really spoke to me.

I started eating better, and exercise.  I reached my goal weight 2 or 3 weeks ago.  That is HUGE.  It took a full 11 months, a lot of work, and a lot of will-power, but I did it.  That was a major bonus for me, as I tend to be very motivated by goals.

Dec 24, 2014

I GOT OVER THE ANGER PHASE ABOUT LEAVING THE LDS CHURCH EARLY ON IN 2014.  What a FREAKING RELIEF that was.

I worked on viruses, and we have a couple publications in the works.  That is a major benefit to my future and it serves as a motivating force as well.

I took a plunge and did  what both my heart and mind wanted.  I am still learning about this, and I am hoping to share more about this part of my life in a real, and vulnerable way soon.  Suffice it to say, my entire life has changed.  Completely.  I find myself constantly in awe of where I "was" last year at this time, versus this year at this time.  I just can not believe it.

There have been struggles, and triumphs, there has been lost and gain.  I feel **SO** much better for it all though.  I feel centered, at peace, and dammit, I really like myself.  What a great feeling that has been.

In the end though, I have evolved incredibly in 2014, and that goal I set for myself to focus on my own wellness was absolutely worth it.  I strongly recommend it to any person who needs some serious introspection.

I am INCREDIBLY indebted to my friends who have loved me and built me up and helped me during 2014.  I would be so much less without you all.  THANK YOU.  I will be more open soon, I promise.