Myself

in 2014, I will focus on myself. My wellness. I might be the first person ever to do it, but I will treasure myself. This is extremely awkward for me. I had always hoped those in my life would treat me as I treated them- and felt I should be- but that has not happened. So instead, I am the one with worn-out shoes, 1-2 haircuts a year, I have had in my life ONE pedicure and ONE manicure (ironically, when I left my ex-husband, I treated myself), the list goes on and on and on. I am sick of not feeling treasured, or cared about and I am sick of feeling humiliated by the neglect, so... after really thinking about this for several weeks, I have decided my word/goal/etc for 2014 will be Myself. (how selfish, right? Wrong).

I will rebuild myself.  I will take all the precious things and leave behind the rest (thank you, Carol Lynn).  I will have my own renaissance.  I will do the things I felt compelled to do and be when I was young and in love.  Without being either young or in love.  It will be just for me and those around me.  What a concept.

I will remind myself daily that I am worth it.  I will build myself up.  I will do the same for those around me.  I will see to it that 2014 is a year to grow, live, love and listen to my stronger, more assertive self.

I will not feel so naked when people look into my eyes.  I will say "this is me.  I am doing my best, and trying to do better.  How about you?"  

The way I see it, if I look out for myself, I might have better senses of expectations.  I think my children will be better cared for and loved it their mom is the a priority to someone- even if it is herself.

In 2014, I will live authentically, and I will treasure myself.