Thanksgiving was the following week, and my Dr was worried about me, so he asked me not to travel to North Carolina for Thanksgiving. Your dad and I were in our tiny apartment, alone, just the two of us. All my college friends had gone "home" for the holiday, and it was somewhat lonely, but I cooked a turkey breast, potatoes and bread for our first married Thanksgiving lunch. After that, your dad wanted to cheer me up, so he suggested a drive in the mountains. He knew very well that those mountains spoke to my soul.
That was the first time he saw Swanannoah with me. That was the first time I took you there as well.
I remember driving down Skyline drive as the light shifted to gold, and the fall leaves glowed reds, yellows and oranges. We had stopped at a "scenic overlook." The Valley below us was just glorious. We drove home, wondering when you would be born. I remember very, very clearly that night standing alone in the nursery I created for you. I walked to your crib and wondered when my baby would be sleeping there. I wanted to hold you in my arms so badly.
After two weeks of no baby, my Dr induced me. That was on a Tuesday. I was supposed to present my research on the Ebola virus that day, but I turned in a research paper instead. All day Tuesday, I was having strong contractions as per the machine that monitored me, but I did not feel a single one. The same is true with Asher. I have never felt pain from contractions. What I did feel pain from was the hospital bed. Again, the same is true with Asher. All the baby weight on my spine was agony. After 9 hours of drug-induced induction, and contractions, I was no closer to having you, so the Dr sent me home. The contractions never stopped, I remember putting my hand on my rock-hard pregnant belly wondering why I could not feel pain. The nurses were puzzled- "you don't feel that?"
"no." I never did.
The back pain and vomiting though... those were miserable.
I had morning, noon, and night sickness with you. I was so scared to be a mom, Valerie. I was worried I would not be good enough for you. I wanted my baby to have everything, but I was a college student and so worried about being a good mom. I had a condition called hypermesis, it had a lot to do with hormones, but also a lot to do with anxiety... so... I was throwing up nearly every time I ate, or even drank milk. I also had the worst heartburn imaginable. It got to the point that I would drink Milk of Magnesia straight from the bottle to help with heartburn. Even water would cause the burning to begin.
After 4 days of horrendous back pain, constant contractions, and a snow storm, your dad drove me back to the hospital. At that point was I nearly constantly in the bathtub. The water was the only thing that could relieve the back pain.
In the hospital, there was still no progress toward active labor. When Dr McMillan came in, he said... "I think she is too big for you. When I check your cervix, I can feel her head move and float away, there is no way she is fitting through your pelvis." He did an ultrasound and determined that you were 9 pounds, 5 oz. Giant for any baby, but especially giant for a 120 pound mom of her first baby. See... I was thisclose to diabetic on the one test they gave me, so looking back, the Dr determined I had gestational diabetes, and that caused you to be larger.
An emergency c-section was set up and I given a spinal epidural anesthetic. I will never forget the way that it felt to have the anesthesiologist pucture my epidural spine to give me the anesthetic. It was painful, sure, but the sound and feel of the puncture in my memory still makes me nauseous. The dr warned me to stay very still during this process because of the threat of paralysis. I was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, leaned way over, your dad was holding on to me with a full view of the procedure. Just as the puncture happened, he passed out, I felt him falling and I let go, because of the paralysis warning. He pulled my iv out of my arm and got the iv solution all over him. His hair was shiny and sticky the rest of the day. I did not move though.
I remember feeling relief as I was being wheeled into the OR. I had on a hairnet, and my arms were strapped outward, like I was being crucified.
As the incision was made, a great amount of fluid spilled out, and the nurses laughed and told me that my dr was covered in amniotic fluid. I remember the heart rate machine beep beep. I listened to the rhythm for a while. I started singing "Sometimes I feel Ive got to " < beep beep > run away, Ive got to < beep beep > get away... and the anesthesiologist laughed. I had seen a commercial of a man doing that in the OR.
You were pulled out, and started screaming. The doctor held you up and I noticed your black hair, healthy cry, and pink skin. You were perfect. The nurses were all just entralled with you. So enthralled that they got in trouble "STOP LOOKING AT THE BABY, HER UTERUS WONT CONTRACT, I NEED MEPERGAN!" I remember that so well, I was so proud that you were beautiful enough to cause such a ruckus :-)
Your dad and you went to the nursery while I was taken care of, after my uterus finally did was it was supposed to. The sleep I got after that and in recovery was some of the best sleep I have had. I was so relaxed. I got to see you, you were healthy, and I did not have an embarrassing body function happen while giving birth. I was terrified for that to happen.
Once you were born, the visitors piled in. We did not have cell phones like we do now- your dad had a "bag phone" in the truck , but none of my friends had a phone, so I called Natalie and she spread word. You were born Friday, December 6, 1996 at 10:29 am, on the very last day of the semester at Mary Baldwin. the following week was exam week. The next three days, you had so many visitors, all enamored by this 8 pound, 9 oz (smaller than the dr had predicted by "a beer" in his words), black haired, beautifully tan baby girl.
So. Many. Visitors. Everyone wanted to hold you. You barely cried at all. When you did, your dad would walk with you and sing the theme song to "The Beverly Hilbillies" you liked that, and would stop crying.
The next 2 days, we were in the hospital as I learned to nurse and tried to deal with the excruciation that is a c-section.
We drove home in the Nissan truck. It only had a jumpseat, so I climbed back there, and watched you the entire way home. You cried a lot on that first day, but that is one of the only 2 times I remember you being inconsolable. I got to spend 4 weeks alone with you with no classes, and I did not even have to take my exams because of my grades. The Dean of the College called me in the hospital and told me Dr Jones had told her I planned to take my exams the following week. She said "no, you do not need to." Dr Jones and Dean Wilson were my heros that day.
I loved those four weeks with you, Valerie. We bonded so well. From that day on, after your birth, you became my inspriation in life. Thank you for that.
I love you so much and I am going to add pictures to this post. Beware :-) this one is one I have had on my desk since I got them back from the hospital. You were an incredibly beautiful newborn. Look at you!! Your face and skin are just perfect.
You are an incredibly beautiful young lady now.
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