Little Glimpses of the week before Father's day

Thanks to the county summer library program, Matt and Asher got to go to the (AMAZING) Massanutten water park. Asher would only stop playing long enough to eat some lunch. He really loved his day at the park.  One thing that makes me happy, is that he is doing fun things all summer.  Although I have always WANTED to have summer off, I haven't since I was about 13 years old.  All through high school, I baby-sat for a family, then got a job at fast food (sigh).  College, I worked, grad school WAS work (and I had jobs outside that), then... well, there is the whole real job thing.  It is really great though, that there is something to do here.  Growing up in Kansas, where we didn't even have cable, summers were long and super boring.  I am not saying that every moment is excitement in Virginia, but there is much more to do.  Although our situation right now is very precarious in many aspects, Asher gets to do stuff he would not if both Matt and I were working all day.

Asher played happy, ALL DAY LONG

To get him to leave, Matt lured him out with a cupcake.  He took about 2 tastes of the frosting, then...

He was out.  Thankfully, for only a couple hours, so he went to bed at his normal time of 11pm-12 am

Lucky for us, Asher is truly grateful for all his experiences and the next day, he was perfectly contented at the town pool

Asher visits the park 2-5 times a week and he is well-known by those others who go frequently.  This park, in Harrisonburg, is pretty special.

This is another park in Harrisonburg that we spent our Saturday (after helping friends move) at.  I liked this one because it has (BEHOLD!) SHADE.

Misha and I walked around and around for about an hour while Asher played and Matt kept and eye on him.  Misha loves going with us everywhere, but she really scares some people.  She is a big, furry dog, after all, so I try to not keep her on the actual playground and such.  

This was Matt's Father's Day card.  Needless to say, Asher was super excited about it too

Last Sunday, we took an evening ride to Reddish Knob.  While it is certainly beautiful, I like Humpback Rocks better.

This is Asher on Father's Day.  So. SO adorable.

Matching boys- LOVE it.

Things are ok, thank you to everyone who was so encouraging last week on my blog. Things are just so insane right now. There are moments of great peace- where everything just feels right despite the chaos. Sadly, I just feel I am juggling a lot, so any additional stress sends me straight to despair. The incident with my shoe and the heat, and the walking and the physical pain that evening though... it was all just too symbolic all at once. Me, working so hard, stranded, tired, hot, hungry. Just trying to make it home in a dress across my town and farmland- shoes that I have had for 7 or 8 years that have looked pretty shabby for 3 (and they KILL my feet), but I dont want to (can't justify) spend money on another pair breaks apart at the seam. There is no saving a shoe like that, so I am left walking home, in the heat, tired, hungry, demoralized, despairing, and the tears fall like rain and once those flood gates open, there is no turning back. I am really good at being strong, being positive and holding on, but I have my limits. I am feeling more broken than not, but I am trying my best to not be miserable. Bad things are inevitable. For some of us, bad things follow us around like our shadow. I have always had bad luck. That has not been my choice. It has not been because I live a shady life and a selfish existence, though sometimes, I internalize it like I do. But that isn't it. I also am kind of like "alright, I get it, I am strong, move on, fates." But I can choose to not be miserable. I am not miserable. I wont be. That does not mean I dont have permission to be miserable for a moment, it just means that if you read my blog, and read posts and I am not all 100% positive, making my life look ideal and perfect... that is because I put on a pretty good show, all day, every day, for my students and my co-workers. I don't want to burden them. I am burdened. I share here. If that is wrong, I am super wrong, but it isn't like I have a soul on this earth to bare my heart to. So... However, smiles are present 400% more than frowns, I get up loving life, and not dreading it, every single day. I have goals, hopes dreams. They are just sort of fuzzy and sparkly, where before, they were in perfect focus. 100% describable. Things now are just different, but I am not miserable. If you think I sound negative, or anyone in your life does, sit, think about that person for 10 minutes of your life. Consider- what are they doing right now? What have they done since they woke up? What will they do before bed? What have they gone though in their life. What have they seen? What have they felt? What have they fought to achieve? What struggles have they overcome? Then, if you feel as if your judgements are still valid, I suppose you own it.