As I walked those three miles last night, my heart became more and more burdened. My soul more and more tormented, the tears closer and closer to falling. As I finally made it home with my one shoe and a heart full of hurt, I came to my yard, cut through the back, and opened the back porch (blessedly left unlocked) to a dog happy as anything just because I was home.
Then I sat my shoe on the front porch, after looking at the sun setting and cried for 32 whole minutes. Cried like I have not cried in ages. In forever. No one is here to save me. I realized it so completely, for the first time ever.
Sometimes, the bad guys- the evil, dirty bastards- win.
Sometimes, a person you have put every ounce of who you are, what you stand for, and what you can give throws you away. Those things are true. The most heart-breakingly, complete, devastating kind of truth.
Sometimes, you can work your butt off, go to school full-time, have 2 jobs outside of school, and three days you don't have to work in an entire three months- know that IT will be worth it in the end, and it just isn't.
Sometimes you can believe the promises people make you- beacuse they are good and kind, and they have the ULTIMATE in what you think is truth, and all those promises are broken. Some are never even meant to be promises. But you don't know that- when you hear "now you are ours forever..." you think that maybe someone finally REALLY wants you. Will take care of you. Will watch out for you. You hold on to it, it is the song that sings you to sleep. Then one day, on a walk, in the heat, with one shoe, you realize that none of it is true.
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