Deeper Meaning

Have you ever been hungry- truly and really?  Not the kind that settles in around noon- the kind that is dull and painful, and that screams with fire if you take a drink of water.  The kind that exists because you can not afford food.  I have been hungry.  I am, in fact, hungry often.  I have been hungry.  So has my daughter.  We know precisely what that desperate, humiliating, incapacitating feeling feels like.  It hurts.  On multiple levels, it really, really hurts.  Funny thing about knowing pain like that though.  You work to prevent it in others.  You see into the homeless person holding the "HUNGRY" sign.  It is my feeling so few understand the true meaning of that word.  That is why the man with the weathered face, sad eyes, and trembling hands gets ignored.  That is why the woman with 2 children huddled at her feet is ignored, and as she is passed, a story told about "this one woman who begged, then walked around the corner to her Cadillac."  So few, in this country know hunger.  This is a blessing, for certain.  But it is also a curse.  A curse that allows for dismissive behavior toward those most vulnerable.

We got a big snow March 24.  It started at about 11 am, and continued the entire day, and through the night.  It fell silently, and left a velvet blanket of white that quieted the world for a moment in our space.  Toward the evening, as the light faded to a hazy blue, the snow let up a bit.  Valerie and Candra said they were going for a walk.



I went upstairs to Valerie's room.  The best vantage point at my house for a sunset picture of this snow-covered spot.  Through the window, I saw the girls, they were fiddling with my mailbox, across the street.  I saw them doing something, then finally, moving on after opening the mailbox and walking off with it open.

My first thought was "sigh! why did they do that!" but I have realized much in the last year.  One thing I have taken note of, is that I often come to the wrong conclusion, and that I need to sometimes relax.  As such, I crafted a "what were you guys doing by the mail box?" text message, and I pushed "SEND," while imaging, in my mind, a trick to be played on the unlucky person who came to deliver or collect mail next.

The response made me cry.

"We were putting bird seed out.  There are so many birds, and so much snow.  They must be hungry."

This child of mine.  An angel she is.

There have been, and continue to be, very hard times in our little family.  My only goals these days are to have the shelter, food, and clothing necessary to live.  Those goals have been hard to maintain at times.  Despite that, I have always still insisted on looking out for others.  To give to them.  To love them.  To look around and see who needs you.  I have taught my daughter this, though admittedly, it is a gift she was born with.  Once, she spotted a broken down van and begged me to see if the people inside needed help.  Two hours later, I was certain that we were there for that lady and her twins.  We filled up their van with gas, got her babies some milk, and gave them money for food while they continued onward, to West Virginia- here for the funeral of her 40 year old mother.  That lady cried.  Those babies smiled when I put chocolate milk in their sippy cups.

We- my daughter and I spent our Thanksgivings for 4 years, at a nursing home, serving a Thanksgiving meal to residents.  Most of whom, would have eaten alone, if Valerie hadn't gathered them up, and sat with them.

There is great humanity in suffering.  Greater still, in seeing the needs of others.

 She has been going through a lot this last year and a half and has emerged, like a butterfly after its deep sleep.  She is a good, wonderful, kind, loving soul.  There is no surprise there though.  She always has been.

While I shed tears for the hunger she has felt, I am utterly grateful for the goodness that hunger has brought to her spirit.  She, like those who have truly hungered before her, appreciate being full, while recognizing- and trying to prevent- hunger in those around her.

Even if it is a bird

Especially if it is a bird in the snow