Opportunity

There is something curious that popped up recently.

This, after telling who I always pray to at night as "God."

"God.  This is it.  I keep doing things that are right.  Things that are good.  I keep trying.

All that happens, is that I keep falling.  God, if you are real.  You owe me.  I feel like a very bad person for saying such, but you do.  this is is.  I am done unless I am not the only one giving in our relationship."

I shared this (in sobbing tears), with my best friend and her mom.  They met me at a park so I could talk.  They met me because they drove 2 hours because they knew I was really struggling.

I am.

I told them "I am done.  It is going to take a lot to get me back."

Then.

This curious opportunity.

Do I take it?

the timing is bad. REALLY bad.

Is this a God thing?

I have been scarred by God things... sigh.  I admit to being gun shy when it comes to faith.

Regardless.  I am considering putting myself in the hat for this opportunity.

And, God.  If this is you.  I am sorry.  I know I am being petulant, but I have really been hurt by the obstacles you have allowed in my life.