Gratitude Journal.

Grateful for these two, who give me a purpose when I don't even want one

November 15, Monday
The day started at 5 am... Asher was awake and would NOT go back to sleep.  He woke me by climbing up on me and snuggling.  What a great way to wake up.  I am so grateful for Asher and for Valerie who woke up slightly later, but had a great attitude about the week ahead.

I got in my really old 1994 car with squeaky brakes, bad shocks and a non-working seatbelt (MY seatbelt), so grateful I have a car to get to work with.  Last year at this time, my car was at a repair shop and I did not have one at all.  That was so scary.

At work, I got an email about a colleague whose mother had  a stroke over the weekend.  Everyone instantly pulled together to take care of her classes and other work at once.  I am so grateful with such a heavy-load as faculty, everyone is still so happy to help another person.  That is a blessing and a testiment to goodness.

I was aware all day long, how lucky I am to have such an amazing job- amazing colleagues, amazing student-workers... I got a job during a major recession.  I am greatly, greatly blessed.  AND! My office looks out into the quad.  How lucky is that!?

At home, I was grateful for Matt who is so good and kind, for food in our pantry and refrigerator.  We are all too familiar to this not being the case.  That is the worst feeling as a mom.

As I lay down, so grateful for sleep and my amazing sheets, I finally got an "answer" to a problem I had been trying to figure out all day.  I had to get up after being so tired and comfortable and go  to work at midnight, but that revelation saved me some serious fretting later this week.  What a relief.

Finally, I was so grateful for the Gospel in my life.  It makes me want to be a better everything.  That is something good for sure.

Tuesday

So grateful that despite Asher being up every 40 minutes (please, not again!), I still was fine at work.

Grateful that I was able to pay my mortgage... not to sure how $60 for 2 weeks that is left is going to work out though.  I thought I got paid again on Black Friday.  No such luck, I have to wait till Dec 1.  This will be fun.  Thank goodness I got so good at not spending on ANY.THING. this summer.

Grateful that Valerie is doing really well in school and has great friends.

I am grateful that Asher LOVES to pray.  It cracks me up!


Wednesday:

I am GRATEFUL I am no longer in 2 digit sizes... well, jeans-wise.  36 EEE will never fit into a medium.... I do want a b. reduction pronto.  This is ridiculous.

I am grateful for students (and others) who stop driving while I am walking so I can cross the street.  This is particularly nice in the rain and/or freezing cold.

I am grateful for positive-reinforcement.  It motivates me to do better, be better, live better...

I am grateful for providence.  Today, I got a reimbursement check for $60, then a coat I have had listed on eBay forEVER (I paid over $200 for it for Valerie back in my single-financially better times and had the reserve at $50).  So, I have nearly tripled my net worth since yesterday at this time.

The lab practical was well-received by Kyle.  That was my first original contribution that was totally me. It is a GREAT final, if I do say so myself.

I am grateful for poetry.  In the Madison Research Fellows, we talked about this one and it just spoke to my soul.  Especially certain parts.  I feel like it was a direct answer to my prayer this morning to be able to feel the Spirit strongly. 

I am grateful that despite mass fail of fruit fly cuticles, everyone is taking it in stride.  Not much fun for me, but I know that I am not being judged for the (dern!) fruit flies not laying eggs in a timely fashion.


I am grateful for Valerie's messages today.  She sent several telling me she loves me and that I need to do something for myself.  She is a smart girl and sees how things are.

I am grateful for a bishop who asked to talk with me tonight and assured me through my sobs that unlike some people have openly accused me, I am not responsible for the failings of Matt.  His term was "evil" and that he sees me as one of the heros of the ward.  Which made me cry more.  I am not a hero, but I am NOT to blame for Matt's struggles.  He asked me how I deal with those hurtful accusations and I told him the truth, not well considering the source.  Anyway.

I am grateful, so grateful that the Gospel is true and for the knowledge that any blessings I have are a gift from the Lord and to know better than to selfishly claim them as only mine or that I am entitled to be selfish because I have "earned" the right.

Thursday

Awesome collegues

Amazing friends

An understanding of the atonement that allows me to protect myself, heal and move on, no matter what other people say or think about me

Friday

Yesterday, I felt grateful, but furious.  It was hard for me to string thoughts together.  In addition, I had a vomit-inducing migrane and NOW I have a cold now too :-(

I am grateful for my job, it is so wonderful to feel competent and appreciated.  It really does make me happy.

My colleague's wife is at an apartment and not the hospital, but she is still very sick- she may be getting better though.  For that, I am grateful.


I am grateful for shelter (a nice one, though I may have to give it up), and heat.  It is pretty cold at night and in the mornings now.


I am also grateful for scarves, they make me feel better when I am sick.

I am grateful for my daughter who is growing into such a sweetie, a son who is hilarious and adorable, a pretty amazing camera and Diet Dr Pepper.  I won't lie, it is my only luxury in life now.

Saturday
I am grateful for thera-flu.  Home-diggy is SICK.

I am grateful for eggo waffles, they made Asher and Valerie extra happy, as they were a special treat.

I am grateful for a church that invests so much into our youth and for such a talented youth.

I am grateful to see the kids I taught in primary annually, or so with stake events.  I just can not believe how grown up they are getting.  It is mind-boggling.

I am grateful for kindness, and friendship and true concern.  I would feel so alone without those things.

Sunday
I am grateful for memory foam pillows and (as always) my sheets.  They are wonderful.

I am thankful for being able to teach the Laurels.  They are beautiful and wonderful and special and I love all of them.

I am grateful that despite our teaching manuals being 20 years old, there are current talks, etc to allow me to update a lesson that has seen better days.

I am grateful for the sight of the hot air balloon over the mountains as I chased a naked Asher out the door, over the driveway and into the neighbor's yard at 8 am and 38 degrees... in my pajamas.  I pointed it out to Asher, who said "oooooohhhhhh, booooon!"

I am grateful for Rachel and Christian having toys that kept Asher rather occupied today in sacrament meeting.  He sat through the whole thing... then climbed under the bench and sat in front of us at the end.  That was fun :-)

I am grateful Asher is talking more.  I am scared often that he has autism or something like it.  He does not speak much at all, but I am glad he is finally learning.  Still though, I do worry about him.

He has a lot of energy though, that is for sure.

I am grateful to sing in choir with Valerie.  It adds another hour to church (making our day from 12:45-5:45), but it invites the Spirit and at this point, I will take all I can get.

I am grateful for an awesome Young Women stake presidency, they are just great ladies!

I am grateful for Mishay, she and I coordinate lessons well every week without ever planning them together.  It is amazing, in fact.

I am grateful for crockpots and warm, yummy dinner when we get home from church.  That is a blessing, for sure.

Monday
I was so grateful to be able to sleep-in... but Matt left Asher here and took Valerie to school (and I had JUST fallen asleep at 7) and I woke to Asher crying because he thought he was all alone.  So.... no sleep for me, but Asher sure was happy to see me!

I am grateful for a job, for a flexible holiday schedule and for awesome people to work with.

I am so grateful for whomever put the gift cards in my mailbox.  I am a little embarrassed about it, but I am kind of hoping it is someone who knows me well and definitely NOT someone taking up a collection at work.  That would be a little mortifying.

I am grateful I got all my paperwork sent off for the student loan forbearance things.  Those things are no good right now.  They are just impossible.

I am grateful that my family is spending Thanksgiving with me! We will have people we love around us and not have to pretend to like them, that is super awesome.  I just adore them.

I am grateful for Asher.  He is turning into SUCH a fun, loving, smart boy.  He is talking more and more every day.  When he saw Alexis at church Sunday, he squealed in delight and said "LEXA!"  He loves her.  Then he fake-sneezed and spit on her and Valerie ;-)  He is saying lots of words now, and this makes me happy.  My hope is that by the end of Christmas break, he is speaking.

I am grateful for all my brothers.  They have taught me much and I love them.  I tell everyone I learned to be a mom very young and did ok as a college sophomore/mom at 20 because I had my little brothers to teach me how to be a mom.

I really did ok with her (so far, at least).  I just hope that the rebellious teen thing does not happen with her.  I hope she always thinks (at least a little) about consequences.  I am not really worried about a whole lot (is that naive?) except for boys.  She is just like her mom.  BOY. CRAZY.  this is no good.  I want her to excel and travel and live a little before she gets married or tied down by a boy.  Valerie has awesome friends.  I never want her to think that they can take a backseat to some boy.  I am not unhappy about my life, but I definitely missed out on a lot of things because I was a mom.  That being said, I still DID a lot too.  Valerie was part of three mission trips, many carolings and marches.  Art openings, defenses, etc.  She had such a great personality and was not too hard on me- I could take her anywhere with me by the age of 2 and she would sit and behave.  I realize now (especially with a certain OTHER toddler), what a blessing that was.  Seriously.  That was amazing.

Tuesday

I am grateful for a job with flexible holiday hours, and an office with a fantastic view of the sunset.  I am so grateful JMU has off the entire week of Thanksgiving.  I really needed this.  Funny, though, I have been up 1-2 hours before normal every day this week.  I just can't sleep.

I am grateful for my mom forum.  I hear about amazing deals, buy things for my kids way cheap, sell things for a profit to me, and learn awesome recipes, ways to make ornaments, and I have made some pretty darn amazing friends too.

I am grateful for mom's intuition and getting Asher onto the potty from the bath he was taking with me before a big mess happened.


Wednesday

I am grateful for visiting teachers who come to visit me with a prayer in their heart and love in their arms.

I am grateful for Valerie's trampoline.  It has provided many children with happiness, it is extremely sturdy, it has provided so many friends and family with fun too.  I love watching Bria and Valerie giggle and laugh uncontrolably on it tonight.  It did my heart such good.

I am grateful Bria, Jennifer, Taylor and Valerie all made it in tonight safely.  I worry so much about interstate travel.

I am grateful Korena looks out for Valerie and includes her in things like- Six Flags, Busch Gardens, trips to an italian bakery--- in New Jersey--- and a trip to see Deathly Hallows I.  Valerie has been able to do so much because of this.  She is greatly blessed and that blesses me.

I am grateful Asher is talking and communicating more and that he loves people so much.

I am grateful Jennifer and Taylor were so happy tonight when they got here.  It has just been a lovely night.

I am grateful for a warm home in this sudden cold snap.  It is pretty rough!  I was annoyed with the 67 days, but now I miss them!

Thursday~
today, I am grateful for my home, a double-high air mattress, room for friends and family to visit (albeit cozily), and amazing, kind, loving people to take care of us and bouoy us up and make us feel like we matter.  That is the best.


I am grateful for Pioneer Woman.  We had a very, VERY pioneer woman Thanksgiving that was just so, so, so, so good.  I forgot to make the stuffing though! Oops! Don't worry, I made it after our naps last night ;-)

I am grateful for cell phones and social networking sites, they really have brought us much ability to connect with and love others.

I am grateful for the Scriptures which are the Gospel.  They are not people- they are unchanging, ever-teaching and change with me as I grow (and even if I regress).

I am so. SO. grateful for my children.  I love them so much.  With bursting heart.  I fall asleep to memorized images of their smiling faces and laughter.  I really do.

I am grateful for Matt.  He is a good man.  He has the best heart.

I am grateful for Bri.  She is who I want Valerie to be like.  She is good, kind, funny.  I have never, ever seen her judge another person, gossip, or fly off the handle.  She is just the best kind of person.  How strange it is that we were brought together.  I am so grateful.

I am grateful for Jennifer! I am so glad my brother married her! She is such a good friend to me- she actually FEELS like family and is, that is a wonderful blessing to me.  I even get a cutie pie niece out of the deal.  The best is that Matt, Asher and Valerie love her and Taylor too.  We are sure lucky there.

I am grateful for all my brothers and my mom.  We got through a lot of stuff together.   a LOT of hurtful things, but talking openly and honestly and being able to share really goes a long way in healing.  I can honestly say that for half of my life, I really had a lot of issues with my mom.  It absolutely changed when I joined the Church and decided to really try to allow my heart to heal.  I love that we have such a great relationship now.  My brothers and I have always been close.  I love them like children.  Funny how that worked out being oldest ;-)

(to reporter, friend 

I am so glad I completed your assignment! It was wonderful to spend a time allocated each day to thinking about specific examples that I felt genuine gratitude.  That was just wonderful.  I tended to write these things down at night, so it gave me such a peaceful, blessed feeling just before falling asleep.  I was dreaming about amazing things and helping people... 

I feel like I will continue this, the best was that Valerie would read my Gratitude journal every morning and really love what she was reading.  She would start off her day with my journal, ask questions, have me re-tell things to her and just leave for school with such a great attitude.  She then started writing down HER gratitude and put it in a special box I had on the dining room table for things we are thankful for.  Matt also joined in- so it really was a great exercise for our family.

This exercise brought into my life the Spirit so strongly.  I was able to often feel so peaceful and grateful for the experiences and people in my life.  I feel compelled to bring joy and a smile to others.  That really is what life is all about. It is what we remember as we reminisce about our lives.)

Post-Thanksgiving Weekend Nov 28

Wow, Jennifer made it home safely and so did Valerie.  I know I should just relax, but when it comes to lengthy trips down the interstate, I always worry.  I am so grateful that everyone arrived and returned safely from the holiday.

I am so grateful for the Gospel in my life.  It is true and the things taught make me strive to be a better person.  I struggle often with a sense of impatience and misunderstanding, but I know that as I exercise faith, my ability to just let go and let God has increased amazingly.

I am grateful for Valerie trying so hard for Asher for being so happy all the time.  It leaves me feeling often that I must be doing ok in the area that matters the most to me- that is, in parenting.

I am grateful Valerie asked her grandparents for a coat.  Hers was too small and I have been fretting about what "we" were going to do to make sure she was warm outside this winter.  That was a major blessing and super-bonus, it is a coat she loves.  It is not a name-brand, (which is important to a lot of kids her age) but it is WARM.

I am grateful for my crockpot that had our Sunday dinner within it last night- but the ceramic part BROKE! Whatever am I going to do!?!

I am grateful I did not screw anything up majorly this semester.  I can tell you now that the bulk of it is over, I really worried that I might all summer long and into the entire semester, but alas, it all worked out.  When I WAS having problems, I would pray and inevitably, an answer in solving them would come right before or right after awaking .  That is providence.

I. am. grateful.

Now... can I start a wishlist?  Hah haH.