It's Been a Long Time

Today, I attended a church service out of my own desire, and not because a friend had invited me that was non-LDS.  This is the first time ever, since I was baptized into the LDS faith in 2004.  Eight years ago.  I decided to go last week, but that did not work out for a variety of reasons, so I was determined to go today.  I even told a few friends, who... I will admit, I think were annoyed with me.  Seems people would rather me be atheist than methodist.

Anyway, I had this amazing, peaceful dream.  I have not dreamt much at all in the last 3 years.  I used to dream all the time, but I think my mind is so confused that I just dont really dream anymore.  Last night, however, I dreamt until I woke up with fever, chills, all that jazz.  I could not go back to sleep and I started feeling really nervous about church.  I texted a friend who had tentatively decided to go with me, and said I might not go.  It was 1:00 am.

I started feeling dread- like something terrible would happen if I went to another church.  I started feeling like maybe I should just shut up, get in line, and go to the LDS church.  Then I fell asleep.  Dreamless, as is the new normal.  I woke up this morning, and everyone was sleeping (again, as is normal), but I started getting ready for church.  I fixed my hair (tried to get all the 2 inch pieces that are a reminder of the clumps of hair that fall out every day, for the last 4 years to lay down), I put on pink and lavendar eyeshadow.  then I added silver.  then purple.  I pulled out my one really good pair of pants, and found a clean long-sleeved shirt.  The other one must be in the laundry.  I went downstairs and started breakfast.  Asher woke up about 5 minutes before I left.  I had planned for all of us to go, but he was up very late last night.

I drove to church.  One I have admired for a couple years.  I am methodist, historically.  When I was in high school, my grandparents, brother and I went to Cherry Hill UMC, in South Boston.  I went to Central Street UMC while in college- then I started going to whereever I had friends... until I ended up at Maple Grove (a non-denominational church) in Charlottesville.  It was during my time there, that I joined the LDS church.  That time was a precious time of my life, as I was a brand-new single mom, and the missionaries, and the singles ward did a wonderful job loving Valerie and I and giving us strength.  That being said, it hurt my heart greatly to leave MGCC, there was a lot of love for us there as well.

So, as I drove up the two blocks to the UMC with red doors (that I must use as a family photo backdrop for a client one day), I had all these things going through my mind.

I parked my car, and went to the side door.

This was what I saw.

Welcome.  It made such an impression that I took a photo.

Then I made it through the fellowship hall into the sanctuary.  I noticed the amazing ceiling.  What beautiful wood.  I sat in the first open pew.  I walked past women in dresses, skirts, pants.  I sat and watched the pastor.  He read through his notes, opened a Bible.  I had tears.  Suddenly, I realized that no God I know would punish me for being in this place.  I looked around at the stained glass, the hymnals, the bibles in the pew, and at the pastor in front of me.  Behind him, two banners.  Faith.  Love.  I wiped tears from my eyes and truly felt "welcome back."

We began with a prayer and a "greeting to those around you."  He came and introduced himself.  As did all the people in the rows next to mine.  It was nice, and yes, I felt a little anxious.  To mention my social awkwardness would be an understatement.  I was relieved when that part of the service was over.


As I looked at the bulletin, I noticed that tithing is disclosed.  That is another bonus, in my opinion.

There were prayers, readings, and two acolytes lit the candles on the altar.  Both little girls.  One in cute pants.  Welcome back.

All was well, but I thought to myself "you must go to a place with music you love.  The organ is all fine and well, but you have missed the music from Maple Grove terribly."  Then I thought "... but I don't want to go to a new church every week, this is nerve-wracking and I am already crying..."



Then, there was special music.

"you raise me up"

more tears.  The congregation clapped for the song.  Oh my word. Welcome back.  The music I needed was there.

Children's church was about good things to do , and things we should, and should not do- very simple and age-appropriate.  The children were told to go to "children's church" with a leader, or welcome to stay for the sermon.  About half stayed and half left.

I took notes during the message, as I am wont to do.  I keep records.   I like to be able to go back, and remind myself.  Like now, I can go back and see, that in October and November, Jesus Christ was mentioned 4 times in entirety in the LDS church I went to outside of the sacrament, and closing prayers.

He was mentioned by name 42 times at the church I went to today.

 It was on "Devil's Sunday"  The first Sunday in lent when the temptation of Jesus as He spent 40 days and 40 nights in the wilderness.

The scriptures (from above) were read.
Here are the notes I took from today's sermon.
What does it mean:
to "speak of the devil"
"give the devil his due"
be a "devils advocate"?



Jesus was in the wilderness during the scriptures just read.  Before this, he had a profound experience and was baptized by his cousin, John the Baptist.  It was then, that he was called out by God, the Father, as "My beloved Son" and the Holy Ghost desecended onto him.  It was a mountain top experience, then, as so often happened, He was led to the wilderness by his own volition.  He had things to think about.  Would He use his power to get human power and have power over others?  Would he use his power to meet the spiritual needs of others? He began to identify with his humanity, and He tried to combine that with his identity as "Beloved Son."

He was in doubt- He had to figure out who He was.  He had to recognize His identity and mission.  He was feeling very human agony.  He was hungry.  He was lonely.  He was fearful.  That was when He was also then, tempted.

There is more to life than food, companionship, complacency. He realized in the wilderness, his mission was to declare the Truth to those around Him.

Declare your truth.  First, though, go to the wilderness, and discover it.  (Oh. MY. GOSH! I am just barely coming out of the wilderness).

Political, financial and economic power can be yours- just do not allow those things to be at the expense of spiritual power (WOW!).

God is not your lucky charm that is used to serve your own needs.  Enter more deeply into your humanity, and there, you will find your need of God.

After the wilderness, Jesus was strengthened and he began, for the first time, His real journey.  He began His real mission.

We are confronted with ourselves and our own journey.  No one can do that for us.  It is an invitation to go deep.

Lent is not about giving up stuff before Easter.

He then talked about this lovely pastor (she is a girl!)

Lent is not about self-control.  Lent should be thought about as actions behind this acronymn:

Let's
Eliminate
Negative
Thinking

Let's
Elevate
Noble
Tasks

What are "Noble Tasks?"

forgive your enemy
donate your time and money where you feel it will best be used
Take five minutes of silence every day at noon
Give to the homeless
Call and old friend
Pray for people in the news
Read John 8:1-11
Tell someone why you are grateful for them
Donate art supplies to a local school
Pray again for your enemies (you will likely have new ones now)
Then...
Figure out which habits to keep.

Goals for us all:

Let's Eliminate Negative Thinking

Let's Elevate Noble Tasks.

Needless to say, I will be going back (with Asher and Matt) next Sunday.