It is good to see that you are human

Sigh.  I was 10 minutes late to a class I am guest lecturing for.  It has not been the best couple days.  It is safe to say that this week has not been my favorite of 2014.  I thought the class started at 10:20, so I was making gorgeous synthetic figures, taking my sweet time.  When I got to the classroom, the normal professor was so sweet about it.  "I was shocked, you are always perfect.  It is good to see you are not perfect. It is good to see that you are human."  For whatever reason, that brought instant tears to my eyes.




Have I ever felt so flawed?  I am not sure.  Perhaps, but it has not been a fun past couple days.
I feel completely flawed.




I do try to do everything to my absolute best ability, and I am realizing more and more that even so, that effort may not matter, in the end.  Some things are out of my control. Ugh.



I know this- I have always known this, but sometimes, that out of my control thing really affects me.  It clouds my perceptions, and overwhelms me such that I forget that I am lecturing on petroleum product contaminants in the water supply, and how to identify and quantify them.  It will be a couple days before I forgive myself of that.

Lucky for me, I get a second chance to be on time this afternoon at 1:20.  Right before my 2:30 lecture on myogenesis and satellite cell differeniation.

I saw a movie with friends Saturday.  That was nice.  The movie was overwhelming though.  Much to think about.  I actually cried totally on my way home.

Then Sunday came.  Not a good Sunday, but the temperatures were warm, the skies were blue, and when I stretched out my arms, they were warmed for the first time in months.  I need spring desperately.  I will be so glad when there are leaves on the trees.   I am looking forward to walking or running under the stars and when breathing in the air, does not hurt.


** Aside ** it took me TWO HOURS to construct and articulate this yesterday.   I just can not think clearly.  My brain is off in "remembering, recounting, what could I have done differently..." land.  The good news is, THIS was what my partner in crime was most-impressed by.  Two hours well-spent, I suppose.

Things are ok, just lots to think about.  Lots to process.  Lots to learn from.  Lots to live for.  Lots to remember fondly, with hope and promise.  Right?