All of Me

The air was cool and sharp.  The sun, lava rising.  The sky, a turbulent ocean with white caps and deep pools.

I woke early this morning.  I woke easily, ready to see some friends I have not seen since my college graduation in May 1999.  Who knew it would be this long?  It is so strange sharing four years of your life with people, then graduation comes- Adios.


I was looking very much forward to the 3.5 hour drive.  2014 has been so emotional.  It is like I can not process all these really big things happening in my life because something else happens to replace the feelings of the first, over and over.

Yesterday was a whirlwind of live-blogging the court proceedings in London- which I had no idea I would be doing- for several hours in a row, then playing with Asher, doing a photo shoot, playing with Asher, celebrating Pi Day appropriately, taking Katy out for coffee... It  was a perfect example of how life has been.

So.

I climbed in the car, turned on the radio, and drove to think and think some more.

Clearer, perhaps, are these thoughts of mine.

Certain, my mind has been, and continues to be.

I heard this song just as I was getting onto the interstate, then just as I was getting off.




 Again, a perfect example of what has been happening in my mind. Cicular thoughts.  I sought to  straighten out my thoughts.  Ironically the beginning and the end are the same.  What is it that I want?  What is it that motivates me?  What is it that I have worked so hard for? Why have I tried always to be my best self- and continually improving?  Well... this song certainly resonates.  It is what I want for myself, and every person I love.

When I photographed S and D, I was just so inspired to pose them intimately.  There are many photographs that are just beautiful, but this one...  It is just perfect.

While I was driving, I made mental note to finally take the time to stop and get images of a couple places that have intrigued me.  I did stop.  I am so glad I did.

Court house in the middle of the country

Cathedral off the interstate

I always look up in the most odd places, and find a little treat.  Why would the brick be different at the apex?  I do not know, but it was so pretty. 

So beautiful inside

We just sort of watched eachother for a bit

the very first flowers I have seen all spring

I keep feeling like big changes- good ones- are happening to me.  Those who are close to me, and who know me well have pointed it out too.  It is remarkable really.  I am becoming who I am in a way that is scary and real, hard and so damned easy all at once.  I feel like so many things are making sense, and others make no sense at all.  All the things in my life are changing.  Philosophies.  Foundations.  It is changing, and sometimes, I want to just go back to what was familiar.  Although it was miserable, I knew what to expect.  The unknown is so hard.  I have decided though, that I have to go outside familiar because it is not fulfilling.  I deserve to be fulfilled.  I deserve to get what I give- which is * and has always been * everything.  Everything.  All the time.  I deserve that too.