We did just take a trip, after all. I will warn, I did not take many photos. I had my camera with me, but it was just too busy.
I was finishing up in the Biotech lab I do on Tuesday when I got this text:
P: "There was a trial without the ventilator. She failed. Her brain is swelling again. She is unresponsive."
I looked at my colleague and said "she is dying. I have to leave"
So that is what I did. I stayed at work till 9 finishing everything to be able to leave all my work done for the week, I went home, I packed, I got up in the morning and left with Valerie and Asher for Missouri.
We drove through West virginia
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| West Virginia on i-64 |
Kentucky
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| Sunset outside Lexington, KY |
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| Louisville, KY which I always LOVE LOVE LOVE at night (PURPLE BRIDGES) |
Indiana, and Illinois (absolutely nothing to photograph, sorry).
To St Louis
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| Also just gorgeous on the waterfront at night. However, this area (east) is not the most... safe... |
My friend there helped us find a hotel and we slept very well. I even woke up to Asher across the top of the bed and his feet under my face, and I had slept extremely well, even so.
Then we headed to Independence. The traffic there is unreal, I do not ever want to live in such a fast-paced, entangled area.
I spent time with Pam and Janessa. (take a look at previous post).
I was just absolutely exhausted, but starving. I am doing this no white sugar/no white flour thing and it is really difficult on the road. It was like a brick wall after sitting with J though. I just felt completely exhausted. So, I decided to go to Wendy's- they have baked potatoes there. There is a Wendy's right next to where we stayed, so we went to that one. In the parking lot was a bike with a cart that had a sign "Homeless, please help if you can" and a flag on the bike. Through the window, we could see the homeless man, he was sleeping at a table. The restaurant employees were leaving him alone. I was thankful for that. I was having vivid flashbacks to my very first homeless person experience as a Hardee's employee in South Boston, VA.
I had a plan though. We ate our food, and I looked over and he had shifted, so I knew that he was at least partially awake, so I walked to him, knelt down "excuse me, sir..." He opened his eyes- bright blue. "can I buy you dinner, please?"
"umm... sure... "
"what would you like?"
"either a chicken sandwich or a baked potato"
(thinking to self- it is 8 degrees, you should get coffee)
"... and a coffee, if you can"
"great idea, I got a baked potato too!"
So, I got him a chicken sandwich, baked potato and coffee.
The Wendy's people were like "that was really nice. Thank you for helping him."
My reply "May I never be in that position, but if I am, I sure hope someone would help me."
Valerie was thankful too. I could tell that seeing him made her so sad. I could just tell. I know I mess up a lot, but I want to her to remember how I live, and how I treat people. I want to leave them better than I find them.
then took Asher to the pool at the hotel. I barely remember it, I was so tired. We were there 2 hours. Pam texted me to ask me to be there for morning rounds so I could talk to the Drs. I slept a couple hours (with a VERY fitfull Asher) then went to the hospital, leaving Valerie in charge of Asher.
I spoke to the Drs- they were all very open, honest, and willing to talk to me. J had hemolytic Staph from her oral flora that moved to her brain. That is what happened. Hemolysis in the brain is no good.
Janessa had her eyes opened, but looked so miserable. I held her hand, sang to her, talked to her, and told her all about the sunsets and beauty in Virginia. She squeezed my hand a lot, we just looked into each other for hours. It was pretty incredible. Those moments are sacred and precious. She had to have several surgical procedures, so I told her exactly what each was, and why it was happening. She fell asleep as the team transported her to the surgical suite. I had been there three hours.
As I drove back to the hotel, Valerie called to say they had just woken up. (lucky!) I took them to eat, and then to Bass Pro Shops, which they both just loved. I KNEW they would.
Afterward, we went back to the hospital and I blogged, while Asher played and Valerie Facebooked.
Then my step-father and his wife arrived. we talked, hugged. Pam got back from an adventure to another hospital, and told me I could go back and she would watch Asher. I went back, and Janessa was totally asleep. I was with K and B and I could tell K did not want to be there with her sleeping. So, they left. I spoke to her, and noticed had had a lot more than one tooth removed.
Back in the waiting area, I asked Valerie if she wanted to visit. We gowned up, and went in. Janessa had opened her eyes in those intervening minutes, and there were tears streaming her face.
"Janessa! Sweet girl! You are crying! I am here. You are so loved, sweetheart. "
I got tissue and wiped away her tears. I told Valerie to go to her right hand and hold it. I was at her left side. "We were here- this is Valerie. We love you, you look so much more comfortable. Are you ok?"
She tried to talk "no, no dont try to talk right now, sweetheart. Your dad is here. If you want me to get him, squeeze Valerie's hand"
Valerie nodded her head. I sent her to go get K.
K and B and Pam came back, and Janessa was falling back to sleep. She fell asleep seeing her dad and mom though.
We went back to pool/hotel and repeated the previous dinner.
Then... I got a text "Crystal, you need to look at the weather..."
So I did, and realized we had to leave by 1 the next day.
We got up, went to the hospital.
J was much more alert. I was starting to exhale a little. Maybe... maybe she will recover...
K said "Crystal is here" and she smiled. What good that did for my heart and soul. I rubbed her feet for half an hour. She felt warm.
I went back out and asked Valerie if she wanted to visit- she did, so we went in to a sleeping Janessa. We told her we loved her, we held her hands, and I sang to her again.
I sang her this every day. It seemed to fit. I said "little girl" instead of "little boy" though, of course.
We said goodbye, and left at 12:59 pm.
I drove to St Louis to get my pillow I had left there at the hotel. my friend had picked it up for me. Then we drove another 13 hours home. 17 hours straight of driving. We got home with no incident (except crazy flashing lights man in the black truck for THREE HOURS) though. All is well. Now for her to heal. What a road ahead, but I am hopeful.
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