Waxing Poetic

I was really ready for the weekend this week.  I finally go to bed at 4 am Monday after taking the group of students to Washington DC for the USASEF.  That made my Monday morning almost miserable.  I was tired for sure.  The entire week was full-speed ahead.  I had no time to even reply to text messages.  This is actually pretty common, but it was very pronounced last week.  Thank goodness, it was the last week of classes.  I have a slight reprieve then summer classes and lots of lab work begins.  I had a lot I was supposed to do this weekend, but I did one photo session.  That is it.  I have gotten a little sleep.  I have not been running around, but man, is it lonely.  That is the thing- I am either incredibly busy and tired, or getting rest and feeling completely and totally lonely. 

I try to keep myself busy with things at home, with Valerie and Asher, but it is still lonely.  I am dealing with it a lot better than in the past though.  It has gotten to the point that I am just like, "it is what it is..." and I am somehow able to take that in a way that is not personal.  That is a relief.  Feeling so completely responsible for those sorts of feelings is torture.  It is getting to be ok.  2014 has been filled with lessons.  At the same time, I am becoming better than I was.  I am becoming a better mom, friend, scientist.  It is good, but things are not perfect.  That is for sure. 

I feel like I am doing ok though.  Mostly, that is because of my children and my amazing, incredible friends. 

Despite what it looks like most of the time and feels like from the inside of my heart, looking out through my eyes,



I am not alone. 

I am loved.

I matter. 

What a beautiful thing.