I babysat 4 kids last night. We had fun. The liked me and their parents had a night out without kids.
Valerie went to a haunted forest and on a hike, I HOPE there are pictures to come
Asher's hand is not hurting as much
Bad:
Asher's hand is still hurting. He keeps it curled up next to his chest and does not use it to get off the sofa or out of bed or to eat. Still though, the bandages are filthy at the end of the day.
My computer (8 years old) is totally screwing up. I suppose I will take the 2 year old one in and see what the cost is to fix it. If it is too expensive to fix, by golly, I am buying a new one. I can not work without a computer at home
I am supposed to talk with my bishop today. He is the bishop of less than one month and although he was in the bishopric and knows of "concerns," he does not know the entirety of the crisis after crisis, so I have had to make a list. Please note, every time a crisis has happened, I have been advised to "let's try _________ and see if things get better." Every time, I honestly believe things will get better and when they don't, I feel angry. It is at the point now, I am losing faith in the people giving me this advise and I am angry that I am willing to try x,y,z,aa,bb... and still end up in crisis after crisis. It makes me feel like I can not trust myself to make important decisions. I am tired of trying _____ and thinking that I will have the kind of life that I agreed to... then another crisis happens.
2007
supposed to not work and focus on writing my PhD thesis, it was due the end of July, but Matt informed I am going to have to work during the summer, so I got a job as a nanny- thesis did not get written until October. Still dealing with the consequences of that.
Matt starts preparing for the LSAT, the plan (we set while we were engaged) was to start Law School Fall 2008, I would work part-time and we would make things work with student loans and my job- unless I had a baby, then I would take care of a baby. Score on the LSAT- 7th percentile. Law school is now out (October)
December, we always make plans to visit my family at Christmas. On the way to missouri, Matt tells me of his massive credit card debt and that he had to take out a loan to get us to Missouri. I wrecked the car and we had to stay in a hotel. Only... we did not have any money in our account, the loan did not go through for 5 days. Matt called the loan guy (weekend, at night) and the guy said "I told you, it would take a few days" he had just applied that day.
After trip to Missouri, I realize how deeply in debt we are with credit cards, although, I, myself have never had one. I sell everything I have of value, including my jewelery.
After 3rd miscarriage- a 4th. The day I find out I am pregnant, Matt lost his job. I am the only one working. After month 3, I am advised to not work. I can't not work, so I work. I walk in on Matt looking up porn. This is the third incident since we were married 10 months before.
Matt gets another job, then is fired from that job. More issues with porn. He says maybe medication will help- goes on lexapro and adderal. More issues with porn.
Gets another job, fired after 2 months.
Now I am advised to work and let Matt take care of Asher. While this is going on,
Asher falls into a pond
Is taken to and plays with a 100 pound dog Matt has been warned about
IS burnt seriously after Matt pulls barstool over for Asher to stand on while stove is being used to cook
And oh YEAH! What about when we went to the beach and Asher was sitting in front of Matt. Matt is starting (spaced-out) into the horizon and a wave comes and completely crashes to Matt's shoulders (absolutely covering Asher). Matt just sits there, totally unaware of what just happened. As another rushes to them, I run over and before I got there, same thing happens AGAIN! Asher was totally coughing and covered in sand and Matt had no idea why I was so upset nor was he aware of coughing, gagging baby in front of him. OH MY GOSH! That is a perfect example of what I deal with (although not quite so dangerous) EVERY FRICKEN DAY.
Dont you sit there and judge me you sisters of Matt. Don't you do it. You live my life and THEN you can judge me. Until then, enjoy your life and feel grateful you don't have mine, but don't you judge me.
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