FIFTEEN

It was after being induced FOUR DAYS prior, which put me into strong, painful contractions (for FOUR DAYS) and not dilating even .5 cm, even after the “membranes were stripped” that I was sent home (FOR FOUR DAYS) that I just could not deal with the pain in my back any longer. Valerie was face up and all the contractions, were not terrible, but the back pain, sure was, so after my 20th hot bath, her dad, my then husband and I, loaded up into our car (a pickup truck) and headed to the hospital, braving the falling snow and ice. I had my eyes closed then entire time- the pain was bad.

At the hospital, I was still not dilated. I got a shot of some drug that took the edge off the pain for about 15 minutes, but then the back pain was back. My Dr asked for an epidural, although I showed no signs of labor physically. By that point, Valerie was 2 weeks late by the Dr calculations, but was still 2 weeks early by my own. During the epidural, while hunched way over, the puncture was pretty scary, and briefly hurt. I was preoccupied, however, by my ex-husband, who had a hold of my hand, passing out and pulling out my IV and pulling my arm. Not wanting permanent paralysis (as the catheter was not thread through the epidural space), I held perfectly still, which was surely a miracle. After that… I was pain-free.

I remember the sugary, shiny hair of Valerie’s dad.

My Dr did an ultrasound and determined Valerie was too big to engage, so a c-section was decided on (I will be honest, I was thrilled because I did not want to pee or poop while giving birth. This was my biggest concern as a 20 year old). The C-section and Valerie was born at 10:29 am- at the end of my Ecology course the very last day of my Sophomore Fall semester. The surgery and birth was uneventful, and I was HAPPY.  While in recovery, I slept so, so well. The best thing that had happened that day- and in my life to that point, however, was hearing Valerie’s first cry and seeing her angry face and her poof of black hair.

She and I spent the first two days in the hospital and had visitors from Mary Baldwin, and Maurice’s parents came up too. The moment Valerie was born, I was introduced to true love.

Recovering from a C-section changed my thoughts on being glad about having had one. In addition, climbing into the 4x4 pickup to get home was terribly agonizing. Valerie cried the entire way home.

I had never known love the way I knew it when she was born. I was so terrified and scared of so much during my entire pregnancy, and the first several months of her life, but somehow, we got through it together.

Valerie has been my motivation to do my best in all situations because that is what she deserves. There is nothing like the motivation of wanting the best for your precious child to motivate a person. I have had that motivation over and again in my life- during the most difficult and hard times, and it is what got me through. Fifteen years of being her mom has taught me so much, but most of all that it is time, patience, and love that matters and that joy is in people, not things.

Valerie, to you, I wish a happy day, a happy year, and a happy life. We love you and are so blessed every single day with your energy, happiness, and willingness to try everything. You make our lives more complete and such a joy. Thank you for that, I am doing my best to deserve you. I love you, Valli Girl.

12 months and caught with snackies (PS, SUCH a better mom now with nutrition)

Valerie as Tinkerbell on the UVA lawn

Valerie as Ariel at The Little Gym party

GO HOOS GO!!

Valerie waiting for me to finish work to go trick-or-treating as Belle

First day of first grade.  Look at that matching lunch box!