New Week

Last week we vigilantly rationed toilet paper and diapers. That was fun. Asher got a diaper rash for the maybe... fourth? time ever.

This week is more of the same we are out of detergents of all kinds and very, very low on food, but I got a box of diapers from Target this morning. It was a relief having so many at one time, but a little scary to buy. I wanted to size up to a 6, but that was 10 less diapers, so we stuck with size 5.

I am pulling Valerie out of piano. There is no way we can afford it.


I have been feeling a physically overwhelming love for my family the last several days. It has been a pretty strong feeling of being able to not count on a whole lot except for the things in life that are consistent. Through the bad and good, we are still strong, so for me, at least, that strength is where I will look for help when I need it.

Matt and I had a talk yesterday about family, love, feeling wanted and needed and cared-about. It was interesting. He was upset, feeling secluded and forgotten and I, for once, could offer many reflections on that because it is something I have felt so often for all of my life.

I found a girl I was in foster care with on Facebook yesterday. In some ways, I dont think or talk about that time in my life much because it was very, very hard. I was tormented pretty harshly in middle/high school because of that, but I am better for it. Again, I saw what I could count on and what I could not. It has made me very keen on recognizing my place in any given situation.
Matt never had felt it so much, but he has now. That is sad to me. He feels forgotten and unneeded. I am pretty sure that it is because of me. That is not much fun to know. While we are rationing and worrying, others are gorging and celebrating to the fullest. Interesting time we are having, for certain.

I saw the lady who hosted my JMU interview today. It was the first time since I was hired. That was nice and I felt needed just seeing her. That is a pretty important feeling for a person to have- repeating theme. I need to go in and sign my contract this week and start thinking about what I want in my office. How exciting. I have my own, non-shared office and actually... it is in a pretty sweet location too. I am blessed. I have grand ideas of bright colors, pretty things for my shelves until they are FILLED with books. Oh yeah, I need plush throws over the chairs like my therapist had in her office. Therapy.

I wish I was still in therapy. I have some things I would love to talk about with someone completely objective about the things on my mind of late. I NEED to talk to someone. Anyone. Anyone?