I am going to share a story here that I have thought about and even written about in letters long lost. It is, however a memory that has defined much... VERY MUCH of my life.
When I was five, one morning, I woke up and my mom was gone. She was REALLY gone. My two brothers, Jason and David and I were alone with my dad in Isabel, Kansas. We were told my mom was "with Jeff" in Pratt. Honestly, it did not phase me. How weird is that?
Well, my mom's parents came and got us. I remember two things about that trip 1) we stopped for pizza (it must have been in Pratt) and my mom was our waitress. That DEFINITELY phased me, I cried and cried when we left without my mom. I cried myself to sleep. I woke up- we were still driving- in the evening light and there was an overpass, so we must have been on the interstate. My grandparents were BOTH singing to "Elvira" by the Oak Ridge Boys. How funny is that?
So that was the summer of hell. My grandparents both worked and my 2 brothers and I were banished outside all day long. Me, and all my age maturity was in charge of "watching" my brothers. Story of my life. We were outside from when we woke up till dinner, then till our bath and bed. I would search for shadow and there were no trees. I can tell you the side of the house with the garage gets about 12 inches of shade in the afternoon.
Early one morning, Grandma woke us up to tell us our dad was there to take us. He and uncle Dwayne took us to a tiny house by a creek in Russell, KS where I would turn 6 (I got a light bright) and start first grade.
That was when I was compelled to ask my dad if we were poor after being taunted by Wilbur Hutchings in first grade. He was also the one who made fun of my pink satin jacket with the roller skate applique from my mom that I showed off for show and tell, "Well that must have been a LONG time ago, because that THING is DIRTY." nice.
I woke up Christmas morning and... my mom was there and she came bearing gifts. Jason and David each got a cobalt blue car with a yellow stripe down the middle. When you pulled them back, then pushed the yellow button on top, they would zoom across the floor. I got a little loom that I could make small pot-holders with small loops of nylon. I had finished my first pot-holder and was waiting for my mom to finish the edges and get it off the plastic mold when I asked David (he was only 3 and easier to persuade) to play with his car. He refused to let me and I got MAD.
Then I sat there and watched him and I thought, in all my six year old intelligence, "he is 3. He has not seen is mommy in a long time. That is his only Christmas present. " and I had such sorrow for him. I saw him as Christ saw him.
I do that every time anyone hurts me, or sometimes, others. I see them as Christ sees them. I do not hold forgiveness from anyone.
What I do have problems with is acknowledgement of hurting another person in big ways, and thinking for one minute someone who has an unfortunate circumstance "deserves" it unless it is an obvious cause and effect.
I have seen such horrific behavior to homeless people or those asking for help. I don't see someone who is worthless and choosing to be in a bad situation. I see a sun-wrinkled, hard-work calloused, sad, sad eyes person. Have you ever looked into the eyes of a person asking for help? It is a sad, sad place.
When I shared this sentiment after a frustrating conversation with my small group (parents, I was the youngest, of course) in church one day, 6 years ago (I was not mormon), my mormon friend asked me to look up Mosiah 4 in the Book of Mormon the missionaries had brought me.
He was smart. I am pretty sure that was the day we fell in love with each other. Too bad he was married.
19 For behold, are we not all abeggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?
20 And behold, even at this time, ye have been calling on his name, and begging for a aremission of your sins. And has he suffered that ye have begged in vain? Nay; he has poured out his bSpirit upon you, and has caused that your hearts should be filled with cjoy, and has caused that your mouths should be stopped that ye could not find utterance, so exceedingly great was your joy.
21 And now, if God, who has created you, on whom you are dependent for your lives and for all that ye have and are, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to aimpart of the substance that ye have one to another.
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