The most-adorable baby EVER

I have had a really tough time since last Tuesday, July 20. It has caused me all sorts of tears, frustrations and really hard feelings, but I have truly tried to no let them rule my attitude, and for the most part, I have succeeded. Yesterday (Saturday) was pretty rough because the night before was rough. Today is the same. I did not sleep last night.

I have been thinking a lot about the repentance process and the things involved as explained to me over and again by various people in church.
It has kept me up for 3 days and I am emotional, to a fault at this point.

Having these feelings and responding the way I did to bizarre questions implicating an active role in one's own violation is normal. The more I am lambasted for my feelings, the more people I let in on the situation and ask if my response was appropriate. The more I do that, the more galvanized I become that my response is not an over-reaction.

Anyway.
We went to a going-away BBQ yesterday. We were invited by some really kind people. The hostess came up to me yesterday and told me how much she appreciates me and my kindness and how much she knows I am struggling and I could not help but start sobbing. I feel so attacked on all sides and it is not because I am choosing to feel that way or twisting anyone's words.



Anyway, that is when the headache started, so we came home, I vomited and slept from 9-11 pm. Then I was up until 6 am. I did not go to church again... I do feel badly about that, but I was exhausted and teary.
At the going away party, Asher was running here and there and everywhere. A missionary picked him up as he tried to bolt out the front door and down the steps and as I thanked him, he asked me "Is this your baby?"
"Yes"
"He is the cutest baby EVER!"
"I know, and it is a goooooood thing as busy as he keeps me."

Mark my words, if ANYONE ever tries to violate him ever- I don't care if I find out about it 20 years later, I would not let it rest.